forever friends.

TOP OF THE WORLD!
The ride, called free-falling - was taken 9 months back! The secret name I screamed into the Genting Highlands whooshy thin air, was the same name shouted into the skies of HongKong. This is one absolute - proves one thing - near far wherever you are - my heart will go on and on. Haha. Boy I miss the titanic days (watched it 11 times!)
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The last 9 months, can be best classified as a learning experience. Less optimistically - it was a nightmare. Sometimes I?ll love to wake up and see, and to know that everything is fine again. That I?m fine with my butterflies, with my moments in time. that they?re perfectly fine too - have not been crushed have not been shocked! Juvenile as they are, uncouth as the are. They belong to me!
Africa aside, I have given positions in 2 projects - another expedition, 1 NUSSU - both of which I was recruited - not positions I?ve applied for. Yet it?s not enough - not enough has been sacrificed for that peace of mind. There?re 2 more projects, one charity event in Istana (co-ordination), one special Olympics - both next year. But truth is, I don?t see the point. I no longer feel the urge.
We all mingle in circles - that are not worthy of us serving. Let them all serve their own needs, academic success and what?s not. =) you wonder - if you have true friends at all - in NUS. It?s a very grey and lonesome place - it?s a cold cold place. The home, at least. Wants me back at all times.

I forget who has been nice to me, and who has been horrid. Sorry. Too caught up we are, in our self sufficing existence. I miss the real, heart to heart talks with my friends - yet of late, they?re all peppered with a layer of - frost. Of reality and practicality setting in.
Is this what they say - that philosophical talks and dreams are regulated only to the young and naïve?

Sounds satanic, sounds cultish.
I love Singapore, I love my family. But what can I do for it? What can I do for them? Do I need to do anything? Do they want me to?

And so, the issues that fog your brain, are the most mundane of all. The most sensationalized - these - grips hold of your imagination, tight, and not let go. You have little time for anything else. It?s deadening, it?s routine.
When you keep really really still, you can feel the tension dripping out of you. Pent up energy, hardly catch up with myself. The demand of being efficient. The need to be on par. Of datelines. Of time lines. I hate a life like that.
One is never given a chance to scan beyond the surface. To reflect, to actually enjoy life.
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So many questions, yet one of the most trying remains unanswered - haha the sadistic streak in me actually likes it this way. So I shall continue acting strong:
My crush, is the least of my worries. It?s the only fun issue, the only sunshine - in grey skies, the only shining star - hidden behind the clouds. The only path the swallows - will pave, my anchor - in the typhoon in hongkong. so long I don?t fall for him! =) but it?s not easy - coz despite all his flaws, he?s very, perfectly himself. That?s something that?s really worthy of admiration.
Pray you guys/gals don?t find out for yourself, or I shall be very very jealous. Then again? *ahem* many will contend that I have the entire population to be weary about?to fight for his attention with! don?t care liao. While quite a few can make me feel - intelligent - he has the unique quality of making me feel alive (despite really ditzy behaviour)! That?s enough for now coz I?ll hate for ANYTHING to take away that goofy carefree happiness of his!